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asking for money

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Wedding Planning

Ask for money instead of wedding gifts – advice from invite designers

by Rosie Hurwitz
written by Rosie Hurwitz

It’s something we hear all the time at Patchwork – the vast majority of couples getting married now don’t really want gifts. What they would love, is for guests to chip in some money to an experience e.g. a honeymoon, or a larger project e.g. a new kitchen. This is the simple bit – the harder part is how to do it. Nobody wants to offend their guests or come across as grabby, insensitive, or even worse – unimaginative! We’ve got the lowdown from those who work closely with couples right at the beginning of their journey – wedding invite designers. Designers Hélène from Smitten with Ink, Carly from With Bells On and Cat from Luna & Sol let us in on what engaged couples are asking them. Here’s their brilliant and insightful advice on the secret of how to ask for money nicely.

Do most of your couples want to ask for money instead of gifts?

Carly: I’ve only ever had three clients who have linked to a formal registry – the sort for a department store. Of those, one couple lived in the States, and I think it’s the done thing there. The other two just did it because they thought they had to. Everyone else has wanted money towards their honeymoon or new home – so I’d say 95% of couples WANT to ask for money.

Hélène: I get my couples to talk about their gift registry as early as during our first consultation which is before they have even booked me for their stationery! It just happens organically as I am curious about their wedding plans, their story and their life together. Half of my couples want a gift registry, the other half would love to ask for money towards a project or a dream they have.

Do couples feel confident asking for money or do they need help? 

Hélène: Some of them feel very icky about doing so and just plan on telling their guests they don’t want anything with the hope/expectation that people will get them cash. Others want to just be honest and ask. They usually have seen examples on the internet that they wish to replicate on their invitation suite but they are unsure as to how it will be perceived.

Carly: They often feel really embarrassed and need help with wording exactly how to ask. Gifting is just one of many things couples ask me how to phrase, because everyone thinks there is some sort of rule book for writing your wedding invites, but they just don’t have access to it! I find it is best to have sections of the invite or wedding website, the most common of which are ‘Ceremony’, ‘Reception’, Food and Drink’, ‘Gifts’ and ‘Children’ (another minefield of its own!) By having sections, it not only helps your guest navigate through the information, but it means you can keep the asking-for-a-gift part short and sweet.

Cat: Out of all of our past customers, only 12% had requested a form of gifting in writing (on physical invitations). Most prioritise the invitation space and wording for directions and dress code. About 40% of our past customers have wedding websites in conjunction to physical invitations. Therefore further info and gifting requests might be online. We’ve seen all sorts of gift requests from couples including traditional gift lists, cash for a honeymoon or house deposit, donations to charity and “surprise us” requests!

If couples are looking for advice what words of wisdom can you offer?

Carly: Well, my ethos is ‘don’t ask, don’t get’. Some couples say ‘Shall we just write that they don’t need to bring a gift?’ and my answer is, ‘Sure, if you don’t want a gift!’ 

Hélène: Whether they ask for my advice or not, I always mention Patchwork! I believe that people love being part of a journey and coming together to make dreams come true. Patchwork does exactly that, it allows friends and family to be part of the couple’s story way beyond their big day. And I love the fact that you know exactly what your money will be used for and can get a personalised message from the couple when they purchase what you’ve pitched in for.

Are you a fan of the ‘money poem’?

Hélène: As a designer, I don’t have a strong opinion about money poems. I always say to my couples, they need to stay true to themselves and if a poem comes across as something they would say, then go for it! As a guest however, I am not a big fan. I tend to find them soo cheesy and awkward. As much as I do not like buying pans or sets of knives – far from exciting- I feel a list can be reassuring in the sense that there’s something for every budget. In addition, I know exactly what I’m gifting to the newlyweds. When it’s just money, I always wonder: is it enough? Is it too much? Will they know it’s me? What will this buy them?

Carly: The people who love you are excited about the wedding and supportive of your marriage, and I think beating around the bush with a bad poem or similar is actually a disrespectful way of doing things. It seems like you are hiding behind something to make it cute, which just seems disingenuous to me – plus it’s corny AF.

Cat: We haven’t come across any poems but I’m a fan of a subtle poetic request!

Do you have a particular phrase you’d recommend using when asking for wedding gift money?

Hélène: I don’t have a particular phrase I tell couples to use – again, I want their personalities to come across- but I do recommend they tell their guests what the monies collected will be for. It just feels more personal, an insight into their plans for the future.

Carly: I usually advise something like: We’d really love to raise a glass to you on our honeymoon. If you’d like to give us a gift, a small donation towards our trip would be perfect, and we’d be so grateful.

Cat: We don’t have a suggested phrase because we follow the motto of putting your own personality on paper. If a customer leans towards the formal type of writing then they generally find great templates online. If a customer is more relaxed and casual, most write the way they would say it in real life!

What are the big dos and don’ts of asking for money?

Don’t:

Hélène: I personally would avoid having a box at my wedding reception to collect cards & cash gifts. People forget to put their card in, never find said box or might even lose the precious envelope during the day! It is also one more thing for the newlyweds to not forget after a long day and night partying!

Do:

Carly: I ALWAYS suggest to couples that they write in their thank you cards exactly what that money got them, and preferably with a snap of them doing that activity, having that meal, drinking that cocktail etc. This really shows how much that bit of cash was appreciated.

Cat: We encourage personality so much that we always say there are no rules! Write the way you want, write how you would speak to your friends and & family, and we can always help rephrase / sense check so it reads smoothly ?

Do you have any examples of how couples have asked for cash instead of gifts?

Cat from Luna and Sol gives some examples of how past customers have asked for money in their wedding invites.

Some couples are very straight forward, (no need to beat around the bush as we Aussies say!) – “Please find our wedding website at [wedding website] for accommodation, travel information and our gift list”

Most start with appreciating the guests’ presence above and beyond gifts, but give suggestions to gift should they wish:

“Your presence at our wedding is a gift enough, but should you wish to give a gift as well, a cash donation towards our house deposit would be greatly appreciated”

“The most important thing is to have you with us on our special day. No gifts are needed or expected however if you would like to give something, we have created a list at Patchwork. You can access this list using the link here”

“We are fortunate to have all the things that we need, so please do not feel that you need to bring anything. However, if you would like to contribute anything towards our honeymoon, we would be very grateful! We will put more details on the wedding website”

Some are adventurous and really don’t care about gifting – “More than anything we would love for you to join us in celebrating our wedding and creating a day filled with special memories. However, if something has caught your eye, do feel free to surprise us on our special day”

And then some are just selfless and ask for charity donations instead – “If you were planning on buying us presents, we would prefer for you to donate the equivalent value to [chosen charity]”

Thank you so much Hélène, Carly and Cat for sharing these really useful insights with us. The over-riding messages from our chats are:

  • Be honest about what you’d like (you don’t need to hide behind a money poem!)
  • Involve your guests in your plans by sharing details: “we’re honeymooning in Italy”
  • Be specific about how you’ll spend their gift: “we’d love to eat pizza and eat gelato every day”.
  • Express what it means to you both: “it will make us so happy for you to contribute towards our once in a lifetime trip!”

The good news is that with Patchwork you can do all of the above! As Catherine, a happy Patchwork user says: “Patchwork solved our “how to ask for money without asking for money” dilemma when sorting our wedding invites out! We really don’t want gifts, we’re having a super small intimate relaxed wedding but it was pointed out that people would just ask us what we wanted if we didn’t put something on the invite & Patchwork solved that for us, thank you!”

So, when you use Patchwork to invite your guests to contribute cash, EVERYONE can feel good about giving and receiving money as a wedding gift! To set up your cash gift wedding registry go here, or for your honeymoon fund you can go here! Happy Patchworking!

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A black man with short hair and a black woman with hair tied up embrace and kiss, their heads turned away from the camera. The woman holds his face with her left hand and wears a pink off the shoulder chiffon dress
Wedding Planning

How to ask for cash for your wedding instead of gifts.

by Rosie Hurwitz
written by Rosie Hurwitz

If you’re getting married and have decided you want to ask guests for money instead of wedding gifts – great! You’re in the right place to find out how.

More and more couples are deciding to ask for cash for their wedding instead of setting up a gift list and here at Patchwork we’ve been listening carefully over the years to find out how couples and guests feel about this. With years of feedback from couples and their friends and families AND our recent wedding guest survey results, we proudly present the definitive guide on how to ask for money in a way that looks and feels good (and doesn’t upset Auntie Carol either!)

How to ask for money as a wedding gift – nicely.

It’s absolutely fine if you just want to ask for money as a wedding gift. But we’ve got some secrets to share that make it go down much better with guests. Let’s start with the two of you. You’ve probably got some idea of what the money is for. And that’s important. Maybe it’s for a once in a lifetime honeymoon, or you want to buy a campervan for years of adventures? Perhaps you need the money to help pay for the actual wedding, or you need to do some work on the house? Whatever it is, share this with guests and they’ll feel a lot happier giving you money instead of gifts.

How to explain that you’re asking for money to your wedding guests.

As explained above, once you’ve decided what the money is going to be for (and it can be for a combination of things – so don’t worry if you want a bit for the honeymoon, some new towels and crockery AND some money towards a new boiler!) it’s a lot easier to invite guests to contribute. The idea is to turn the money in to a gift. And that’s where Patchwork comes in.

Absolutely anything can be transformed from just plain money in to a meaningful and much wanted gift. When you link to a Patchwork cash wedding registry on your invites there’s no need to explain anything – it speaks for itself and guests will immediately feel engaged with, and included in your plans. And they’ll enjoy gifting you money this way.

Why you need a wedding gift list (even though you don’t want gifts).

So you’re ready to turn requests for money in to fun, personal and meaningful ‘gifts’ – here’s how it works:

£10 becomes beers on the beach on your amazing honeymoon
£20 transforms in to a tin of paint to give the kitchen a new lease of life
£50 becomes lunch for two at your favourite restaurant
£100 is a tour of the local sights on your honeymoon island
£250 pays for the plumber to help get the kitchen sorted
£500 means you can have that band play at your wedding!

When you show people what you want to do with the money they give, the experience is so much more satisfying for them (and guess what – they’ll want to give more!)

How to make it fun for your guests to give you money as a wedding gift.

When we think of giving money as a gift, we’d all agree it isn’t usually a very exciting or special experience. It’s often slipped quietly into an envelope or transferred via a banking app, and we neither get to see the excited reaction of the recipient opening the gift, nor do we get the thrill of imagining what happiness it will bring them.

When you can ‘wrap up’ money as a gift with Patchwork it is a very different experience for your guests. Suddenly they feel excited to be gifting you something they can see you’ll love. They can picture you having lunch on your honeymoon, or enjoying breakfast in your new kitchen, and they know that because they now have a connection to that experience or gift, that you’ll think of them while you’re enjoying it. Guests have told us that the sense of knowing that their gift is wanted and appreciated and specific is very important.

How to include everyone, even those on a tiny budget.

So how do you ensure that everyone feels good about giving you money for your wedding instead of gifts? Simply make sure that even small amounts are recognised as bringing you joy and happiness! Some of your guests might be feeling the pinch right now and if finances are stretched, the last thing you’ll want to do is make people feel as if their gift isn’t ‘good enough’. Well, Patchwork is here to help again, because as long as you can show people that all amounts are valued and can help you with your dream – everyone is happy. We all know that it’s the simple things in life that can bring great joy so let’s share a few ideas of what that can look like!

Honeymoon – £5 for a cold beer on the beach at sunset
New kitchen – £5 buys a beautiful tile or two to finish your new kitchen
Wedding fund – £5 means your favourite bloom in your wedding bouquet
Honeymoon – £5 for an enormous ice-cream in the sun as you stroll through a pretty village
Date nights – £5 so you can upgrade your drink to a glass of champagne
New sofa – £5 for a new book to curl up on your new sofa with!

How to get more than you would do if you just asked for cash.

Again, this comes down to being very specific and giving each of your cash gift requests plenty of personality and description! The stats back this up too – most people giving cash as a wedding gift aren’t all that motivated to be particularly generous. The average cash gift amount for a wedding in the UK is £65 whilst the average cash gift amount with Patchwork is £85.

Our other top tip is a bit of reverse psychology which has been tried and tested: Lower your gift amounts to get more! Yes, strangely, the lower you price your ‘patches’ on your gift registry, the more generous your guests will be. If you only have patches of say £50 and above, there’s a danger that someone who only wants to spend £30-£40 will feel slightly pressured and just won’t contribute anything at all. Whereas if you show guests that you’re really happy for them to contribute a small amount, they are likely to feel more generous and want to treat you.

How not to offend anyone with requests for cash.

Quite simply – don’t just ask for cash. There are so many lovely ways to make the request meaningful and personal that there’s not a lot of benefit in sticking bank details on wedding invites. It can come across as insensitive, grabby and unimaginative. At best it’s boring, and transactional and can also make people feel awkward and embarrassed. Guests who took part in our recent survey said they didn’t like it when bank details were included on wedding invitations. Their responses ranged from saying it felt ‘joyless and transactional’, and ‘awkward’ to ‘quite rude’. Asking for cash on the day wasn’t popular either, with guests worrying that they wouldn’t know how much to give, or whether it would be acknowledged, or even be received safely. With so many people not carrying cash these days, it’s also another thing for your guests to try and remember to organise before they leave the house!

And finally…

What you don’t need to do when you ask for cash for your wedding instead of gifts:

The first thing you don’t need to do when you ask for cash via Patchwork is apologise! We’ve heard of so many couples feeling like they have to first explain or apologise when asking for money on invites, yet with Patchwork couples feel excited and proud to share their wedding registries which is a whole different emotion.

Your wedding is definitely not the time for you to be feeling cringey or embarrassed about any part of your day and your gifts (money or otherwise) are no exception.

On the same note – you don’t need to write a ‘money poem’ to try to hide behind the fact that you’re asking for money. OK, if you’re straight up saying – ‘please transfer us some money’ then we get that some couples feel the need to try and make it cute by adding a poem (usually another way of apologising) but we’re all for being proud of whatever it is you’re saving up for and sharing it with your friends and family. Once they know what it is you’re looking forward to they’ll be only too happy to help you (and you’ll be making life easy for them too so it’s a win win!)

So there you have it – we hope we’ve covered everything in our all-you-need-to-know-about-asking-for-money-as-a-wedding-gift-guide and we look forward to helping you create your own very unique Patchwork registry!

Love Rosie and the Patchwork Team xx

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Gift Ideas

Cash not cringe. How to ask for money as a wedding gift

by Rosie Hurwitz
written by Rosie Hurwitz

This is a question that comes up often when talking to engaged couples. “How do you ask for cash instead of wedding gifts?” Or more accurately “How do you politely and nicely ask for money as a wedding gift?”.

So, let’s take a look at the different ways you can ask for cash in place of a wedding gift, answer all of your questions and find the way that works best for you and your guests!

Doesn’t asking for money instead of wedding gifts sound grabby?

Couples are always concerned that they don’t want to appear grabby or ungrateful but the truth is that asking for what you really want is the most thoughtful thing you can do for your guests too!

It makes it so much easier and stress-free for friends to know that they are giving you something that is really wanted and appreciated. Oh and giving a gift of money via Patchwork is friendly, joyful, personal and as one of our kind reviewers once said “It was very easy, I was able to do it all without moving from my chair”. What more could you want?

Isn’t asking for cash as a wedding gift awkward?

Yes asking for cold hard cash for your wedding present is awkward. Asking someone to hand over cash or deposit money in to your bank account is a bit cringey and embarrassing.

But with a Patchwork wedding registry you are not asking for money as your wedding gift. You are asking friends and family to make dreams come true – and that is a completely different thing!

When you invite guests to help you to wake up on your honeymoon to an ocean view, or have alfresco lunch on a beautiful Greek island, or drink cocktails on a rooftop, or hike in the mountains, or visit family in Australia – somehow it doesn’t sound like you’re asking for money.

You are asking for their help to fund experiences that mean the world to you. Experiences that will be treasured forever, and appreciated more than anything else.

Already got too much stuff so just want money?

These days, couples are rarely short of “stuff”, and most would rather enjoy time together as a couple. So asking friends and family for contributions towards a honeymoon fund is still no.1 on most couples’ money wedding gift lists.

Even if you’ve paid for your honeymoon yourselves, you can ask guests for those treats that make it extra special. For example: unlimited cocktails, eating in the best restaurants, sightseeing tours, hotel or flight upgrades, or just a new book to read by the pool!

If travel isn’t a priority, many are saving up for one big item like a deposit on their first home. Guests can chip in towards a new front door, a patch of garden, a window, or just a brick or ten. Other popular wedding registry ideas are money towards a home renovation or garden project. Other experience gifts are a year full of fun date nights, or a National Trust membership.

You can add absolutely anything to your Patchwork wedding gift list to make it totally yours and really personal. Need someone to dog sit while you’re away on honeymoon? Always wanted to try a new hobby, or learn a new skill as a couple? Or perhaps go back to that place you first holidayed together?

The more of yourselves, your plans and your dreams you can inject in to your page the more your friends and family will love visiting it, AND feel really good about gifting you generously!

What if we don’t know where we’re going on honeymoon or exactly how we’ll spend our gift money?

If we’ve learned one thing lately it’s that plans sometimes have to change! Because Patchwork is the most flexible gift registry it doesn’t matter at all if your plans aren’t set in stone. You can even change your mind along the way.

A Patchwork wedding registry is a fully-functioning ‘mood board’ showing guests all the things you’d love them to help fund. It might be a honeymoon, something for the home, charitable contributions or a little bit of each. Everything on your patchwork represents an idea, a dream, or a goal.

Even if these ideas change at a later date, they will help your guests connect with your future plans and feel happy about the gifts they are giving. The reality is that you’ll collect all money direct, in to your bank account and you’ll have complete control over how, when and where you’ll spend it.

Can’t people just deposit money in to our bank account?

Yes they can. If you just want a transaction, and are happy to be quite frank and explicit with bank details and so on, this is certainly an option. However, it does deprive your guests of the fun and enjoyment that comes with gifting – in fact our recent survey found that 50% of wedding guests find it ‘joyless and transactional’, 30% think it’s ‘awkward’ and another 10% actually find it ‘quite rude’.

The happy and satisfied feeling that comes with knowing you are bringing joy to someone you care about is completely removed when it’s a simple cash transaction. It can feel like an emotionless donation of money, which whilst might be practical, isn’t celebratory or personal. It also leaves the person sending the money completely clueless as to how it will be spent, or what it will mean to you, and it makes it hard for them to convey their good wishes along with their gift.

What about old-fashioned cash in an envelope or a wedding fund money box?

If you want to go old-school you can leave a discreet money box on a table in your venue and hope that guests come prepared! You’re taking your chances a little here hoping that people have access to cash. Or they’ll need to make the cheques out in the right names (do people even use cheques any more?!). You might possibly also spend a bit of time worrying about money going missing or knowing who’s given you what.

This is a traditional way of giving money wedding gifts in many cultures. However, cash is becoming far less used generally and with security issues and recent Covid concerns it’s perhaps a less popular option today.

Cash without the cringe.

People often agonise about how to ask for money without offending anyone or seeming rude. A lot of the “money poems” out there that are designed to remove the embarrassment. But they actually create it by drawing attention to the fact that you are indeed, asking for money! If you start with.. “let’s get the awkward bit out of the way” or “please don’t think we’re rude” you’re really giving the impression that there is something awkward or that you are being rude.

With a Patchwork registry this whole issue magically disappears. At no point are you having to say “we’re asking for money” because you’re kind of not! You’re simply showing your guests your joint dreams and plans. You’re inviting them to contribute in a way that’s meaningful, personal and suited to every budget. It’s seamless, joyful, secure and is without the teeniest bit of embarrassment or awkwardness!

What if we really don’t want any wedding gifts?

As with most of our Patchwork couples, the vast majority of people who are planning a wedding already live together and have all the household items they need. In fact in many cases couples are blending together two homes so possibly have double the amount they’ll ever need!

Some couples have told us they aren’t setting up a registry because they don’t want any gifts at all. They then come back to Patchwork two weeks before the wedding in a slight panic because everyone is demanding to know what they can get them! Or worse, they don’t set up a wedding gift list. This ends up with all kinds of random kitchenware and bedlinen sets that end up occupying cupboard and drawer space for years to come.

If there’s really nothing you’d love and you’d rather not receive any gifts at all, how about accepting donations on behalf of a charity or voluntary group? You can collect money direct via your patchwork gift list and add patches for different charitable causes. And your friends and family can still leave lovely messages of congratulations for you. Then once you’ve received all of your wedding cash contributions you can send to the charities you have chosen and get a huge dose of feeling good!

Asking for what you really want – nicely.

In summary, asking for cash as a wedding gift is kinder to the planet (less waste). It’s more practical for your guests (no shopping stress) and more fun for you (honeymoon here we come!) More than any other occasion in life – a wedding is a time when you really can be honest about what you want. Enjoy showing everyone your plans, knowing that they really do want to treat you both to something special. So don’t be shy.. have a play around with some of our honeymoon fund or wedding registry templates and see which ones inspire you!

It’s easy to share your page via a unique URL and then all you have to do is sit back and see the cash contributions and lovely messages come rolling in! All gifts are logged in your account and you’ll have names and emails for all contributors. Once your wedding day is over you can send thanks via your patchwork page to everyone who chipped in – you can even send photos of you on your honeymoon / in your new home / or on your friend-funded adventures.

So join the 100,000 (and counting) happy Patchwork people from all around the world by starting your page today! Questions? We’re real people and we’re here every day to help at [email protected] or over on our LiveChat.

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Patchwork PerspectiveWedding Planning

The Rise of Crowd-funded Weddings in 2020.

by Rosie Hurwitz
written by Rosie Hurwitz

With sites like GoFundMe and Kickstarter raising money for all sorts of weird and wonderful things, crowdfunding has become part of our everyday language in 2020. So how do weddings fit in? And is it ever OK to ask guests to pay for your wedding? We’ve all heard a few headline-grabbing stories of couples in particularly difficult circumstances using platforms like GoFundMe to ask strangers on the internet to help pay for their wedding day. However the trend we are seeing at Patchwork, recently picked up by both The Telegraph and Grazia is very different.

Patchwork is an alternative gift registry that enables friends and family to come together to collectively contribute towards one big gift or experience. People don’t use Patchwork as a crowdfunding platform to ask strangers for money. It’s not about philanthropy from a ‘crowd’. Patchwork enables couples to invite the people closest to them to get involved in the most important day of their lives, in the most meaningful, personal and practical way. Rather than crowd-funding a wedding, we’d call it friend-funding.

AND it’s not just about money! With Patchwork, couples share the plan for their wedding day so guests can choose how to help make it extra special. Whether it’s by contributing cash, gifting their skills or donating their time, everyone can choose the way they want to show their love. While your Nan might want to buy some bubbly for behind the bar, your aunt might choose to help with decorations. Your cousin might bake some cakes while your mates can promise to DJ.

couple dancing at their crowdsourced DIY wedding

Why do millennial couples want to crowd-fund their weddings?

There are economic reasons why some people ask friends and family to help fund certain aspects of their wedding day. People often ask because a wedding involving all the people they love would otherwise be just too expensive for them. They’d rather have family and friends invited and share in the cost, than not have them there at all. This might mean asking for cash gifts towards the expensive elements of the wedding day – chipping in towards the photographer or the caterer, or putting some money behind the bar so that everyone can enjoy a few drinks. People use Patchwork because it’s a simple, fun and easy way for guests to chip in what they can afford to make the day a big success.

Of course it’s not only for financial reasons that couples choose to ask their guests to contribute towards the wedding day itself. There are those couples who already ‘have it all’. They therefore have no need for a traditional department store gift list and have booked and paid for their honeymoon. By inviting guests to contribute towards the wedding day in some way, people not only become active participants in the day and enjoy the sense of connection that this brings. Couples can invite guests to contribute towards something extra and fun for the benefit of everyone – a live band or an entertainer for example, or an illustrator to capture moments of the day.

By funding a wedding experience in this way guests are not only giving a gift but sharing in the enjoyment of it as well. Crowdsourcing the wedding brings everyone together in a collaborative and fun way and allows everyone to give gifts that “give back” as they are not just enjoyed by the couple, but by everyone participating in the day. So asking friends and family to crowdfund your wedding is actually a very generous thing for couples to do. After all, if you use a traditional gift list people don’t get to share the joy of your new bed-linen!

Overhead of vintage glasses with pink rosé champagne on a silver tray

Are crowdfunded weddings a new trend this year?

Yes crowdfunding weddings is definitely a growing tend and will be big in 2020. However at Patchwork we know it’s not really a new idea. It’s the age old concept of a “whip round” except this time it’s digital and has got itself a shiny new name.

For struggling couples in 30s and 40s Britain, it was commonplace to “beg and borrow” everything from the dress to the car. Today’s ‘something borrowed, something blue’ are considered to be traditional good luck charms. But they are rooted in a very practical necessity. OK, so some stories like a wedding dress shared between 15 brides and wedding rings made from aircraft parts may sound extreme. However, in the past it was expected that friends and family would help to make the day special even during times of extreme hardship and war. Getting a professionally shot wedding photo was a luxury so great that it would serve as a gift the whole family would chip in to. Of course this is the principle behind Patchwork. While most couples use our alternative gift registry to ask wedding guests to contribute towards one big gift or help fund their honeymoon, we love that more and more couples are using Patchwork to crowdfund or crowdsource their weddings. And it’s something we’re very happy to support and encourage.

DIY decorations scissors string and tape

Who do crowdfunded weddings appeal to?

As well as the financial issues, there are other reasons couples might choose to ask guests to pay for elements of the wedding day itself rather than buying physical gifts. The average age of a couple on their wedding day according to latest figures from the ONS was 37.9 for men and 35.5 for women. They have had – on average – 3.5 years of living together to build up a large collection of pots and pans, towels and toasters. So if they, like many of us, have already reached “peak stuff” adding 100s more items to a wedding gift list is not going to fill them with joy. As well as valuing experiences over stuff, millennials are acutely aware of the price that is being paid for our overindulgence in consumerism. In response, they are finding resourceful and creative ways to turn gifting on its head.

Crowdfunding a wedding means no waste or unnecessary gifts, and it means money given can go exactly where it’s needed. That might be towards the DJ, the flowers or just on lots of bubbly and beers. It’s the opposite of consumerism, enabling people to get what they really need and want in a way that is secure, easy and fun for everyone too. Whether friends help to pay for the wedding, or help by gifting their time and skill instead, everyone can give what they can, and in the way that they want. Resulting in a day that’s truly democratic, engaging and satisfying for everyone. Friends and family can be part of the creative process and feel like active participants rather than bystanders. It’s also hugely flattering to be asked to contribute to something as significant as someone’s wedding day, so using the talents of friends and family is a win-win.

small pink big bank against white background

Isn’t asking for cash embarrassing or awkward?

Yes, and that’s exactly why Patchwork was created. The way we talk about money is changing; it’s not the awkward and embarrassing topic it might have been years ago. However, there is still pretty clear etiquette around asking for money in place of physical wedding gifts. It’s still seen as slightly awkward and vague at best, rude and grabby at worst, to simply put your bank details on an invite. Even the huge range of ‘money poems’ out there don’t hide too well the fact that you are simply asking for money. With Patchwork, money is “wrapped up like a gift” and that makes all the difference. Because guests can see images of the specific things you are going to do with the money they gift, they feel more than happy to give it. In fact they love it so much they have described giving money in this way as a “joy” and a “delight”. Knowing that a gift is going to make the recipient happy is really all your friends and family want to know, and with Patchwork you can really show them what their gift means to you.

With a Patchwork gift registry, there are always lots of price options, so guests can contribute from as little as £1 up to £500. And of course, no-one but the recipient can see what other guests have given. This means nobody feels excluded from giving, or pressured in to giving more than they are able to. Couples that use Patchwork do, however, find that they receive higher than average cash gift amounts. Guests tend to be more generous when they can see where their money is going, and when they don’t feel like expectations are being set too high. In fact, giving a wide range of affordable options usually inspires guests to give more.

Patchwork DIY Wedding Fund

So how would I go about crowdsourcing a wedding?

It’s very simple. With Patchwork you can create an alternative gift registry that shows your guests all the things you’d like them to fund, make or do – represented as a ‘patchwork’ of images. They can then click around your registry page and choose to gift their cash, time or skills according to whatever suits them. We have lots of templates ready to customise (including readymade crowdfund examples) , or you can create a totally unique gift page from scratch. Contact us at [email protected] if you have any questions – we’d love to hear what you’re planning!

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Patchwork PerspectiveWedding Planning

Crowdfunded weddings and why we love them

by Ismay Ozga
written by Ismay Ozga

You’ve heard of crowdfunding, and you’ve heard of weddings, but have you thought about crowdfunding your wedding? Our users have been creating patchworks to help crowdfund their weddings for a while now – an idea we love, incidentally, because why wouldn’t we? It’s about sharing and creating and being together, and that’s what we’re all about. Recently some of the big guys have picked up on it too – people like The Telegraph and Grazia, who we’re so glad are raising awareness for these super important issues. Want to know more? Read on…

What is a crowdfunded wedding?

A crowdfunded wedding is where you ask your guests to contribute things to the day, in lieu of a present in the traditional sense. This can be money, which is what most people would think of when they were told the wedding was being crowdfunded. However, it can also be asking people to ‘make’ and ‘do’ things too. This means people can make their contribution by putting some money behind the bar, making a cake for the dessert table or offering a slot on the night to do a DJ set.

Why would you have a crowdfunded wedding?

Our users have crowdfunded weddings for a multitude of reasons:

  • They’re getting married later on, so the traditional china set isn’t necessary.
  • Weddings are hugely expensive and the cost can be prohibitive to getting married.
  • They’re trying to do better for the environment, and minimising the waste from gifts that aren’t needed.
  • … And because it’s just really, really lovely to include your nearest and dearest in your day.

How can you have a crowdfunded wedding?

Unlike straight up crowdfunding platforms where you’re asking strangers to give you money for something, the Patchwork platform is private, and much more personal. It’s designed to help coordinate the friends and family who love and support you. Patchwork takes away the awkwardness of asking for money straight up. We think that putting your bank details on your invite can feel a little awkward. Instead, it’s a much more personal, meaningful and fun experience for everyone involved. And you can invite guests to help you in a number of ways. You can explain the difference each thing would make to your life, they can choose whether they want their gift to be money, time or their skills. The outcome’s still the same, but there’s less awkwardness and more intentional, resourceful, creative gift giving. Everyone’s a winner!

To start your own on Patchwork, you can either customise one of our wedding templates, or start one from scratch. We can’t wait to see what you put on yours!

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